Our Story: Our Family & Infant Loss

I’m a UK-based, twenty something mama to the three most wonderful little blessings and wife to their silly, fantastic Daddy. Our family is the most beautiful, wild ride I could ever have wished for. This blog is my way of documenting how we live, survive and thrive, together as a five on our unexpected journey. There is a life after a neonatal death, and we want to show and give hope to other families that live like us; we’re raising all of our children, one just a little more unconventionally than most.

We met in 2008 when we were fifteen and sixteen years old and have been together since 2009 through college, me going to university, and so many jobs and flats and houses. We got engaged in 2013 and married in 2015 on the sixth anniversary of the day we started going out. The most special bit of the day for me was that our little girl was right there with us; I was 23 weeks pregnant with our first child. At the time I never realised just how precious those memories, and sharing that day with our baby girl would become.

Our baby girl arrived in September 2015, our perfect, wonderful new addition. We settled in to family life absolutely seamlessly. She fed brilliantly, had the most beautiful little personality. The three of us had four complete, blissful days together. We woke on her fifth day, to find our baby girl unresponsive. SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) took our little girl from our arms.

Losing our daughter (referred to here as Bear) is the most impossible and unimaginable nightmare, but every day she’s there, she’s the determination that makes me carry on going. I feel blessed every moment to be mother to such a wonderful little girl. I always thought about the things I wanted to teach my child, and my baby girl arrived with the most wonderful personality, singing and dancing every value I’d wanted her to have. My daughter is loving and calm, cheeky, and charmed everyone she met. My daughter is the most happy, adaptable, unflappable little lady. My daughter is my sunshine.

We’ve since welcomed two more children, which has been the strangest combination of terrifying and exciting. Our rainbow daughter Bunny arrived ten and a half months after her sister in August 2016, and she was soon joined by their baby brother Cub, born in June 2018.

Life after loss is hectic, beautiful, exhausting, and most importantly, so full of love. This blog is our family, the five of us together, navigating our new normal.