Bereavement/Life After Loss

First Trimester, for the third time.

The first trimester of our second rainbow pregnancy has been interesting. Nobody has known about my pregnancy and this has made it go so much more quickly! I’ve found myself much more distracted thanks to Bunny. The leg situation was a bit extreme. In Bear’s pregnancy I felt similarly, I had work distracting me from how slowly it felt it was all going, but Bunny’s pregnancy there was nothing to distract me, no work, no toddler. Her first trimester definitely seemed to last a lot longer.

Immediately, as soon as I got pregnant, my skin went crazy. My appetite just sunk utterly entirely. Nothing tasted good at all! It still doesn’t. Everything tastes like I’ve been licking envelopes, something weird I’ve managed to get worse with every time. I thought I evaded sickness, but ended up just getting it later than I had before. With Bear it started at six weeks. I was nauseous as hell until week 14/15, but wasn’t really throwing up much. Bunny’s pregnancy was different. I started feeling sick at six weeks, and was throwing up awfully until week 26, where I got basically a two week reprieve before the heartburn started.

This time I got away with minimal sickness until week 9ish. Then the floodgates opened. Every. Single. Nappy change. Every time I ate. There were points where I couldn’t keep fluid down. It’s been very, very tough to take care of a toddler whilst vomiting loads, being absolutely exhausted and drained and still having to get out and about and keep her entertained. As of the end of the first trimester I just cannot keep food down unless it’s covered in Nando’s Sauce. This kid is basically vegan too, so I’ve been at least veggie since about week six.

Since the pregnancy began I’ve begun suffering with pregnancy insomnia worse and worse. I did with the girls but never this bad. I never really realised it was a thing and I think it’s something I need to research more online, and look for ways to get through. I’ve started cutting my screen time right down at night, crocheting or doing something creative before bed, and sleeping with a lamp on to soothe anxiety. Any further tips would be massively appreciated if anyone reading has been through this!

This pregnancy is the very first time I’ve had no bleeding, cramps, or threatened miscarriages. I have had intermittent tightening since about 13 weeks, but I’ve always been quite early to get Braxton Hicks and was in slow labour with the girls for weeks, so I won’t be surprised if that happens again. It’s the first time my first scan was actually the nuchal translucency scan at almost 13 weeks. Nothing was really real until then and I’m very proud I held out until then. Seeing our little one on those scans are a real bonding point for me. I think because I’m trying my hardest to approach this in the right way for Bunny for her new sibling arriving being a positive change, it’s giving me a clearer focus that isn’t focusing on what could go wrong. I’ve been trying really hard to look and those scan photos and think ‘I can’t wait to meet you’ rather than ‘please live’.

I certainly hope the rest of the pregnancy flies by like the beginning has. I can’t wait to bring this this little fierce person growing in my belly home when they’re ready!

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